Day 3004: I Know Because my Wii Told Me

It's day 3004 of my weight loss journey! I know you're thinking damn girl, you're still on a journey. You haven't arrived yet? My answer to you is, nope! I'm still going. Well, to be more accurate, I'm starting over for the umpteenth time. 

Over the past 10+ years, I've lost weight, gained weight, lost it again, only for it to be found one more time but now I have the health issues to go along with it. Ughhhhh. Mentally speaking, I am angry with myself. I'm angry I let my health and my weight get so out of control but I'm more angry that I wasn't angry enough at my self to take this journey more seriously.

It has clearly affected my mood. I have trouble sleeping, because I snore now. So I'm tired all the time. How do you wake up tired! I hear fatigue is what a hangover feels like. I can't imagine if I drank too. I would be a loopy fuck of a person. I don't even attract the opposite sex anymore and I don't think it's my physical appearance but I carry my emotions and tiredness all in my face. It's not a good look. 

So one week ago I decided, this is it Mami. Time to get back in the game. Time to get off your ass, literally because this is all I do. I don't workout at all anymore. I went from a full blown athlete, training myself to do marathons and others, cooking healthy and creating exciting dishes, to sitting on my ass all day with McDonalds and sprite in hand. I barely want to move from bed until after 8am and I used to hit those morning workouts with ease. My exercise equipment has so much dust on them. I moved into this apartment and didn't bother to hook the treadmill back up. Look at it, just lonely and dusty sitting in the corner. A direct reflection of how I've felt. 

But I'm starting over. As I stated. Not day one again but day 3004. I need to stop lying to myself.  It's not a new day, new me. It's the same old me trying to get my shit together and I will. I already made progress this last week. 

My doc has been encouraging me to pop pills and I refuse. I know I'm causing myself more harm, the meds are a quick fix for some. But I know I can do this without drugs. My doctor has no faith in me which is why she's pushing them on me. I told her I would work out and try holistic methods but I hadn't. I am fully committed now. I promised her that if my numbers kept rising I would start meds. Well, they're improving and she still insisting to take meds.

That wasn't our agreement, which let's me know she thinks I will fail. Well fuck her. I will come out stronger and not dependent on drugs to fix what "my getting up moving my ass and eating better" can resolve. Yeah it may take longer but I'll sustain better in the long run. I couldn't even remember to take birth control, downing 100 pills a day, ain't my stello. 

I keep her in the loop of what I'm doing though. Her problem is she rather depend on chemically made solutions than nature itself. She hasn't even heard of the things in considering nor want to educate herself on them either. I'm miss my acupuncturist, she was a wealth of information that I'm now using. So I've gone back to salt substitutes and other herbs or seeds to help me get my shit back together. And yes, my "shit" is off too. I'm really getting that back together as well. 

Green tea, honey, flax sees, and fenugreek. My morning pick me up. I'll explain these benefits another blog. 

Mrs. Dash has become my friend again. Rich in potassium low in sodium and from using these products before, they taste great. Not the same as salt don't get me to lying but still great.

Well cheers to day 3004 & looking forward to live 3004 plus more.